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Write to ReplyMost couples regard the reading of their wedding vows as the most important aspect of the ceremony. Writing your own vows is the perfect way to bring your feelings to the fore…
Composing your own wedding vows is a fantastic way to add a touch of individualism to your wedding day. This is your time to stand up and declare your love for your partner so why not try your hand at writing your own vows?
This isn't as daunting as it sounds. A growing number of couples are opting to pen their own words in a bid to personalise their service.
While Anglican and Catholic services are fairly strict with the wording used in the wedding rites, most other faiths will allow you to introduce your own vows. Once the legal part of the service is out of the way, what you can say after that is largely at the discretion of your priest or minister.
Civil ceremonies are more liberal again. While it is essential that you clear your plans with the registrar in advance, once you have completed the legally binding part of the proceedings you are largely free to do as you please - adding in your own words and even poetry if you wish. Civil ceremonies are however non-religious so you probably will not be allowed to use any religious extracts.
Statutory Requirement
In order for a marriage to be legal in Northern Ireland, the following vows must be said by both you and your partner during the ceremony.
This differs slightly from the wording required in Scotland, England and Wales.
"I know of no lawful impediment why I, [your name], may not be joined in matrimony to [your partner's name]. I, [your name], take you [your partner's name] to be my lawful wedded husband [or wife]." |
Finding the rights words
Once you have got the go ahead to write your own vows you can start thinking about what you want to say. Whether you choose to write them individually or together as a couple is up to you. While it's nice to write your vows as a surprise for your partner, remember you will still need to clear them in advance with the person marrying you.
The registrar or celebrant should be able to supply you with a standard ceremony script. It is a good idea to use this as a basis for writing your vows.
Popular themes include:
- Trust
- Honour
- Love
- Obey
- Support
- Faithfulness
- Kindness
- Sharing
- Companionship
- Loyalty
- Honesty
Composing your Vows
If you do decide to go ahead and write your own vows there are a few different ways you can approach it. Depending on your circumstances there may be certain things you would like to mention here that you wouldn't be able to if you went the traditional course.
For example, if you have children together or children from a previous relationship you may want to include them in your statements. Making reference to them as part of your new family unit or introducing their names to your vows is perfectly acceptable and will help them to feel included in your special day.
If you or your partner comes from a different country then why not think about including some words in the native language.
If you really don't know what to say you can always turn to poetry or music for ideas. There is a wealth of musicians and writers that you could turn to for inspiration. Proverbs and quotations also work well so long as they represent what is in your heart.
You might also want to talk about your future together, reinforcing your commitment to sticking together even when things get tough.
Getting personal
If you aren't able to write your own vows, there are other ways to personalise your wedding ceremony. Think about adding your own slant to the day through your choice of processional music or readings.
Some faiths are more liberal than others when it comes to what you can and can't do, so speak to your priest or minister, tell him your ideas and see if you can work out a solution that works for all concerned.
Tips for speaking in public
Preparation is the key
If you are likely to be at all nervous then it is probably not wise to turn up without any notes. Don't feel pressurised to know your vows off by heart. If you do decide to write your own, jot them down and bring them with you. That way you can always refer to them if the pressure does start to get to you.
Take deep breaths
Think about what you are going to say before you say it. Try practicing in advance to make sure that the sentences flow. You will probably get to the stage that you know the words before you read them.
Look confident
If you are nervous, try not to let it show. Few people get up the aisle without any butterflies in their stomach. If you look confident, people will believe you are confident.
Look Good, Feel Good
It essential that you feel happy in your own skin. Look after yourself in the lead up to your wedding day. Looking after your body and mind. Make sure you hit your bed early the night before the big day - don't be tempted too dull your sense by overindulging!
Be Yourself
Don't be afraid to speak your mind. Your wedding vows should come from the heart - its okay to use your own words to express how you feel. Don't feel pressurised into using words or terminology you are not comfortable with. If you do, you run the danger of sounding insincere.
Eye Do
One of the most important things to remember when you are saying your wedding vows is to make eye contact with your partner. By all means bring notes but make sure you don't just stare at them. Make a conscious effort to look up every now and then.
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