No pressure, but the best man speech can really set the tone for the evening.
The best man – along with the other speech makers – is tasked with setting the mood for the night ahead, making sure to give the wedding guests a good laugh. He’ll need to strike the balance between funny and a little cheeky (remember the listening ears of older relatives!) and he may also like to throw in a little sentiment – it is a wedding after all.
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If you’re looking for a little bit of inspiration for your best man speech, then we’ve got in spades, from funny one liners to quips that’ll leave the guests in stitches.
Whether you’re a skilled public speaker, a natural comedian or a total novice, littering your best man’s speech with a few of these jokes will really pack a punch.
The key to a killer best man speech is to kick it off with a great opening line!
“Good evening everyone. I’m so happy to preside over the only five minutes that the bride didn’t plan.”
“It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers!”
“[GROOM’S NAME] was telling me that the amazing meal this evening was charged on a cost-per-head basis, so, on the bride and groom’s behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming¦”
“Leading up to today [GROOM’S NAME] and [BRIDE’S NAME] were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use the wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there. So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of [GROOM’S NAME] and [BRIDE’S NAME] thank‐you very much for the teaspoons.”
“Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!”
Jokes about the groom
A best man speech is an opportunity to give the groom a bit of a roasting!
“On their first date, [GROOM’S NAME] thought he’d make an impression, and promised a seven course meal. She was a tad disappointed when it turned out to be a burger and a six pack!”
“I read somewhere that the perfect best man speech should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love. So raise your glasses to the happy couple!”
“Just some last messages here to read out: one from the Groom’s football team to [BRIDE’S NAME] – ‘apologies we couldn’t all be here today, good luck with [GROOM’S NAME], we found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.”
“As part of my research, I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the Groom’s praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing and I won’t lie.”
“Twenty years ago, the Groom was told by a doctor that he would never dance normally again. When the band starts, you’ll see exactly what that specialist was talking about.”
“[BRIDE’S NAME] please put your left hand flat on the table. [GROOM’S NAME] please place your hand on top of hers. Enjoy this moment [GROOM’S NAME] because it’s the first and last time in your marriage that you’ll have the upper hand.”
“You are both so lucky. [GROOM], you get to leave with this amazing woman. And [BRIDE], you get to leave with that beautiful dress and wedding bouquet.”
Jokes about the bride
Aim for a gentle ribbing when it comes to the bride – don’t take the jokes too far!
“Isn’t it funny how history has a habit of repeating itself? Twenty-nine years ago [BRIDE’S NAME]’s parents were sending her off to bed with a dummy. And tonight they’re doing exactly the same thing again!”
“When I saw [BRIDE’S NAME] heading up the aisle with her father, I thought “At last she’s seen sense, and got herself a man with looks and money.”
“Everyone who knows the bride knows she’s a wonderful person. She deserves the best husband out there. Thank god [GROOM’S NAME] married her before she found one.”
“Before proposing, [GROOM’S NAME] went to ask [BRIDE’S NAME]’s father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing he took the hand that had spent 20 years fishing into his wallet!”
Jokes about the best man
When it comes to the best man speech, guests will love a little self-deprecating humour
“A Best Man is like a dog. You love him, care about him, and he’s only thrown up and ruined your upholstery twice.”
“I recognise my place here; being best man at a wedding is like being the dead body at a funeral. You’re expected to be there, but if you say too much people start freaking out.”
“Being asked to be the best man is about five minutes of glowing pride, followed by an eternity of panic and misery. [BRIDE’S NAME], I expect you had a similar experience when [GROOM’S NAME] asked you to be his wife.”
“The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.”
What else goes into the perfect best man speech?
Okay, so you’ve the gags sussed. What else do you need to include in a best man speech?
– Thank the other speakers who have gone before you
– Congratulate the newlyweds
– Remember to say a few kind words about the bride
– Don’t forget to compliment the bridesmaids
– Read out messages from guests who couldn’t attend
– Propose a toast!