On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me … a hall pass for consensual non-monogamy
American writer and philosopher, Dr Wednesday Martin claims couples should consider a consensual hall pass as a form of relationship therapy. Could this be the perfect gift for your partner this Christmas?
What is Consensual Monogamy?
Appearing on ITV’s This Morning earlier this week, Dr Martin told viewers that a couple’s bond can actually be strengthened by an agreed affair. She suggests couples today aren’t made for monogamy, and it’s the notion of limiting yourself to one person that leads couples to get bored with their long-term sexual partner. ‘A bit of thrill and excitement should help pull a long-term relationship back on track,’ recalls Dr Martin.
Dr. Martin explains this is not an affair or a secret, everything is discussed between the couple, with boundaries and terms greed. Her research has led to an interesting discovery in her research, most people longing for this ‘hall pass’ notion are actually women. She suggests this is because a woman’s sexual desire plunges after four years with the same partner and they essentially get bored.
Is this a risky game?
Right on her tail was TV personality, Vanessa Feltz, who brands the whole idea as irresponsible and damaging to a long-term relationship. She said ‘why be in a relationship then? It’s exclusive and supposed to be intimate. Something precious that is to be treasured. There are plenty of ways to rev it up at home if it’s sexually boring; read a book, watch a video. You can’t just treat someone as a sex toy, they’re a human being.’
Could this be for you?
Dr Martin’s closing statement does acknowledge that the this idea may not suit everyone because monogamy is still a strong practice. The thought of finding your one true love is something many people search their whole life for.
Is it worth the risk, just for a one night? Could you trust your partner not to fall in love with someone else?
Our advice is to talk through all the finer details to ensure you and your partner are both completely comfortable, and if it works, be sure to let us know!
