It’s the anxiously awaited crowning moment of the big day – or is it? How many of us actually get down and dirty on the wedding night, and how many are just too damn tired?
Watch a romantic movie – or a scary movie, for that matter – and you’d be forgiven for thinking sex is an absolute given on your wedding night.
Brides can spend a humongous amount of time and money planning for that first sexual encounter as a married couple, defuzzing absolutely everything and investing in something seductive when it comes to lingerie.
After all, it’s the crowning glory of years of planning, the moment a loving couple will finally relax into each other’s arms and create sensual fireworks following a hectic day of celebrations.
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Or is it? According to one survey, just over a third of newlyweds in Ireland (37%) say they had sex on the night they got married.
Another survey by lingerie brand Bluebella said 52% DON’T do the deed on their wedding night – which to me seems a little low, considering the rollercoaster of a day they’ve just had.
I mean, think about it. You’ve probably been dieting frantically for weeks and running yourself ragged as you organise this, that and the other in the run-up to the big day.
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Then you’re up with the larks for the longest hair, fashion and make-up session you’ve ever had in your life, before embarking on an unforgettable and hugely emotional experience followed by a packed schedule of eating, drinking and dancing the night away.
And after all that you’re expected to mistily melt into each other’s arms before embarking on a night filled with sexual Olympics?
Let’s face it, after a day like that, it would be weird if you had the energy left to do more than unpin your tiara before sinking into the king-size hotel bed and snoring like an adenoidal wrestler.
Not to mention your other half, who could well be feeling under extreme pressure to perform after a lengthy session of having pints bought for him by 60 or so very friendly guests.
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We carried out our (not at all scientific) poll on Twitter, and found the results were even more telling – 24% say they did have sex on their wedding night, while a resounding 62% said they didn’t because they were just too tired or drunk.
Intriguingly, we discovered an enthusiastic 13% of couples admitted to having sex at the reception itself, and we really, REALLY want to know where. In the gardens? In the bridal dressing room? Behind the curtains? Well played, guys, well played – we salute you.
But it’s not just food, drink and exhaustion that can kill the erotic vibe – sometimes the sheer architecture of the wedding dress and lingerie can defeat even a willing couple by the very small hours of the morning.
One of our respondents laughingly says: “I won’t even start on the 32,000 buttons on the dress at 3am.”
Another says she fell asleep in the hotel bed in her dress, while eating room service chips: “Really set the tone for the marriage!”
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Meanwhile, one couple who travelled to Florida to marry had their one-year-old son with them.
“In a five-bedroom villa, he slept between us both. We were knackered anyway from a great day,” they say.
And many couples who decided to just ‘power on through’ the exhaustion admit it ended up being an anticlimax – often saying it felt forced and the weight of expectation resulted in a monumental let-down.
One bride who posted on Reddit says: “We had sex, but it almost felt like an obligation. We had been on our feet for 12 hours, dressed up in more clothes than we’d ever worn in our lives, talking to people, dancing. By the time we got to our room, we’d have both been content to just go to sleep, but we powered through it.”
But just remember that the whole emphasis on the wedding night is a throw-back to the time when historically it was the first time a couple had ever shared a bed, so it’s understandable that newlyweds might have been willing to power through.
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These days, however, many couples may have already built up a strong intimate relationship over the years before their wedding day, and may feel less under pressure to stage a super-steamy wedding night. Many admit to dozing off in the bath after their exhausting day or simply curling up in each other’s arms.
So don’t feel at all concerned if the wedding night turns out not to be filled with sexual fireworks – it’s perfectly normal to just conk out with exhaustion.
The morning after, however – well that’s a whole other thing. The pressure’s off, you’re waking up in each other’s arms as newlyweds and what could be more romantic than drowsily launching an exploration of each other’s bodies? That will be the moment when your sensual lingerie really comes into its own.
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As one Redditer says, following an anti-climactic wedding night in which he and his new wife showered and then crashed out: “The next morning , however…. In the immortal words of Jackie Gleason, ‘Bang! Zoom! To the moon, Alice!’”
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Still searching for that perfect lingerie? Check out our bridalwear experts HERE.
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